BECCA'S WINTER DIARY
both picture and text
Stolen and significantly doctored
inspired by her blog
@
Sunnyhillfarm07.blogspot.com
both picture and text
Stolen and significantly doctored
inspired by her blog
@
Sunnyhillfarm07.blogspot.com
December 9: I woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow
covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight!
Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World than Sunnyhill farm??
Moving here was the best idea I've ever had.
Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a young girl again.
I did both my driveways and the sidewalks and all around the barn.
This afternoon the snow plow came along and covered up the sidewalks
and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again.
What a perfect life.
December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment.
My neighbor, Joe smirks and tells me not to worry,
we'll definitely have a white Christmas.
No snow on Christmas would be awful! Joe says we'll have so much
snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again.
I don't think that's possible. Joe is such a nice man to remind me,
I'm almost glad he's my neighbor.
December 14: Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20.
The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away,
but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks again.
This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again.
I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling,
but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.
December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my old black grampa truck and bought a 4x4 Blazer.
Bought snow tires and 2 extra shovels too. Stocked the freezer.
The tenant wants more wood for the wood stove in case the electricity goes out.
I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.
December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway
putting down salt. Hurt like hell.
Joe saw me and laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.
December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm.
Nothing to do but stare at the jerk across the street and try not to call the sheriff on him.
Guess I should've bought more wood for the wood stove, but won't admit it to him.
God I hate it when other people are right.
I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn stuff last night.
More shoveling. Took all day. Goddamn snowplow came by twice.
Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey.
I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around
to see about buying a snow blower and they're out.
Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying.
Joe says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.
December 22: Joe was right about a white Christmas because
13 more inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August.
Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to pee.
By the time I got undressed, peed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel.
Despite the stalking order I even thought of hiring Joe
who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy.
I think the asshole is lying.
December 23: Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0.
The tenant wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning.
What is he...nuts??? Why didn't he tell me to do that a month ago?
he says he did but I think he's damn well lying.
December 24: 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the blade on my tractor.
Thought I was having a heart attack.
If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snowplow,
I'll drag him through the snow by his balls.
I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling
and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour
and throws snow all over where I've just been!
Tonight friends wanted me to sing Christmas carols with them and open presents,
but I was busy watching for the goddamn snowplow.
December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the slop tonight.
Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil.
God I hate the snow!
Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation
and I hit him over the head with my shovel.
December 26: Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here?
Whose stupid idea was this anyway?!. I’m really getting on my own nerves.
December 28: Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in.
I’m going CRAZY!!!
December 29: 10 more inches. Joe says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in.
That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
December 30: Roof caved in.
The snow plow driver is suing me for a million dollars for the bump on his head.
The tenant went home to his wife . 9" predicted.
December 31: Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
January 8: I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me.covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight!
Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World than Sunnyhill farm??
Moving here was the best idea I've ever had.
Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a young girl again.
I did both my driveways and the sidewalks and all around the barn.
This afternoon the snow plow came along and covered up the sidewalks
and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again.
What a perfect life.
December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment.
My neighbor, Joe smirks and tells me not to worry,
we'll definitely have a white Christmas.
No snow on Christmas would be awful! Joe says we'll have so much
snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again.
I don't think that's possible. Joe is such a nice man to remind me,
I'm almost glad he's my neighbor.
December 14: Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20.
The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away,
but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks again.
This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again.
I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling,
but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.
December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my old black grampa truck and bought a 4x4 Blazer.
Bought snow tires and 2 extra shovels too. Stocked the freezer.
The tenant wants more wood for the wood stove in case the electricity goes out.
I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.
December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway
putting down salt. Hurt like hell.
Joe saw me and laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.
December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm.
Nothing to do but stare at the jerk across the street and try not to call the sheriff on him.
Guess I should've bought more wood for the wood stove, but won't admit it to him.
God I hate it when other people are right.
I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn stuff last night.
More shoveling. Took all day. Goddamn snowplow came by twice.
Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey.
I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around
to see about buying a snow blower and they're out.
Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying.
Joe says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.
December 22: Joe was right about a white Christmas because
13 more inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August.
Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to pee.
By the time I got undressed, peed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel.
Despite the stalking order I even thought of hiring Joe
who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy.
I think the asshole is lying.
December 23: Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0.
The tenant wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning.
What is he...nuts??? Why didn't he tell me to do that a month ago?
he says he did but I think he's damn well lying.
December 24: 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the blade on my tractor.
Thought I was having a heart attack.
If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snowplow,
I'll drag him through the snow by his balls.
I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling
and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour
and throws snow all over where I've just been!
Tonight friends wanted me to sing Christmas carols with them and open presents,
but I was busy watching for the goddamn snowplow.
December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the slop tonight.
Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil.
God I hate the snow!
Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation
and I hit him over the head with my shovel.
December 26: Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here?
Whose stupid idea was this anyway?!. I’m really getting on my own nerves.
December 28: Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in.
I’m going CRAZY!!!
December 29: 10 more inches. Joe says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in.
That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
December 30: Roof caved in.
The snow plow driver is suing me for a million dollars for the bump on his head.
The tenant went home to his wife . 9" predicted.
December 31: Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
Why am I tied to the bed?
Post Script:
OK - Cousin Becca - here's the "happy ending" you wanted but without guilt:
On this mid-January day, while I was tied tightly to the bed, out in the road in the middle of a snow storm stood mean neighbor Joe. Of course I wasn't able to see, but I hear he had just finished plowing his driveway all the way up to his house and down again several times while glaring across the street at anyone entering or leaving my beloved Sunny Hill Farm. Suddenly, seeing another attractive young man bringing gifts to my door, he thought of the unthinkable. Retrieving his slingshot from the barn he planned trying his hand at breaking yet another window in Cousin Barbara's Sunny Hill wing. Deaf as he is, he didn't hear the plow coming but just as he began to cross the street the huge town truck raced at high speed over the rise and the blade full of snow slammed straight into Pigmy Joe and sent him flying. They say his body and his eyeballs and all three of his teeth went spewing in ten different directions and he never saw the light of day again.
AND THEY UNTIED THE RESTRAINTS AND THREW OUT THE LITTLE WHITE PILLS AND I LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER!!
